Joke corner

so last night I was thinking I should actually start writing down some of the jokes I come up with, because well I am a reasonably funny guy :o who knows I might even do stand up? (haha me doing stand up is funny in itself)
So here is my space for hilarity:

Jesus touched me, I sued, he settled out of court for an undisclosed sum

A man goes upto a woman in a bar and says "hey baby, you and me baby ain't nothing but mammels so lets do it like they do on the discovery channel"
The woman looked at him for a minute and replied "sure thing!"
They then preceeded to a park where they took down and killed a Gazell by hand and consumed the raw flesh of it

So in this time of economic hardship I know what you're thinking, will the price of tomato ketchup affect my daily life? well the simple answer is no. Its the mustard eaters that have to worry, not because of the prices, its the Collmans bull, he's out to get you! You may wonder why but if you were a bull and you lived soley on mustard, a food product that you must admit does not appear naturally in the bulls food chain you'd be pretty pissed off too

Annoyances 3

Well i'm in one of those moods I think I shall rant some more, mostly about tv adverts heh

firstly, the ICS advert. The woman in that advert seems a complete and utter bitch, granted we don't know the relationship between her and her friend john but surely she is quite able to see he is in conversation with a pretty young lady, so why would he then buy you a drink and also given you just got this new promotion why the fuck ain't you buying your own drinks or even buying for him to celebrate. Raaa its trivial I know but yes she annoys me
Secondly the Kellogs big bake advert, this is a bit harsh of my but given how much that advert is on tv that kids accent is really starting to annoy me heh