Quizes

General Knowledge
1: Where would you find General Von Klinkerhoffen?
2: In which TV show would you find the General Ignorance round?
3: Who was commonly referred to as 'The Desert Fox'?
4: Which major company was founded by Thomas Edison?
5: Who Published the General Theory of Relativity?
6: What year were the GCSE's introduced?
7: What is the next rank up above general in the British Army?
8: What are propofol, sodium thiopental, etomidate, or ketamine commonly used for?
9: Where would you be if you were called to general quarters?
10: What role has been occupied by Clement Atlee, Neville Chamberlain and Tony Benn?

1: What are Oompa Loompas?
2: What is Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch?
3: What is Mjölnir?
4: Where would you find snozzcumber, and on a drink called frobscottle?
5: What is a Ho-oh?
6: What is a Skink?
7: What is a Quark
8: What is an Ewok?
9: What is a Muggle?
10:


Higher / Lower
1: Pages in the UK edition of Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire 636
2: Members of the House of Commons 650 (2010)
3: Members of the European Parliament 736 (2009)
4: Lord Lloyd Webber's personal fortune in millions £680 (Sunday times 2011 rich list)
5: Speed of Sound in mph 768
6: Distance from London to Barcelona 707 (Mapcrow)
7: Distance from Land's End John O Groats as the Crow Flies in miles 603
8: The number of career home runs hit by Babe Ruth 714
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Connections

1: What links: May, Straw, Clarke and Smith?
2: What links: 1000, 515, 216 and 64?
3: What links: Cahill, Baines, Howard and Osman?
4: What links: 1952, 1936, 1910, 1901?
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1: 'allo allo
2: Qi
3: Erwin Rommel
4: General Electric
5: Albert Einstein
6: 1986
7: Field Marshal
8: General Anaesthetics
9: Naval Warship
10: Post master General

1: Little orange helpers in Willy Wonkas chocolate factory
2: A town in Wales with the longest name in the UK/Europe,
3: Thor's hammer
4: The B.F.G.
5: A Pokemon
6: A Lizard
7: Subatomic partical
8: Creature from Star wars
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1: Home Secretaries
2: Cube Numbers
3: Everton FC
4: Coronation years
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Miles Jupp

Alex Stuart O.B.E.

Jim Jeffries

Mark Watson x3

Andy Parsons

Matt Holland

Dougie Anderson

Victoria Coren x3

David Mitchell x4

Ed Bryne

Germaine Greer

Jon Richardson x3

Rufus Hound x2

Clive James

Julia Hartley Brewer

Grayson Perry

Arthur Smith

Tony Hawks

Henning Wehn

Graham Garden

Harry Hill

Russell Howard x3

Alexander Armstrong x6

Richard Osman x5

Ben Miller

Chris Addison

Ian Hislop x4

Paul Merton x4

James Blunt

Nick Robinson

Jo Caulfield x2

Terry Alderton

Marcus Brigstocke x2

Alan Davies x2

Kevin Bridges

Jack Whitehall

Andi Osho

Rich Hall x2
Tom Stade

Lee Mack

Steven Fry

Ronnie Ancona

Dave Gorman
Colin Mochrie
Wayne Brady
Fred
other guy
Josie Lawrence
Jane Seymour
Gyles Brandreth
Richard Herring
Natalie Haynes
Jenny Eclair
Alex Horne
Matthew Wright
Scott Capurro
John Landis
Ann Diamond
Gabby Logan
Alfie Boe
Tony Christie
Josh Widdicombe
Sean Walsh
other two
Micky Flannigan
Vernon Kay
Louie Spence
Mark Dolan
Stephan Mangan
Greg Davis
Andrian Chiles x2
Ross Nobel x2
Ross Kemp
Kay Burley
Honor Blackman
Charlie Higson
Andy Hamilton
Roisin Conaty
Christopher Biggins
Mark Steel
Gordon Ramsey
Dan Stevens
Sean Lock
Mike Wilmot
Tony Mortimer
Eddie the Eagle
Jeremy Edwards
Gemma Bissex
Graham Cole
Derek Martin
Terry Christian
Janice Long

Huw Edwards
Ellie Crisell
Jimmy Carr
Dermot O'Leary
Sarah Millican
Noel Fielding
Greg Proops (maybe)
Andrew Marr
Cheryl Baker

Heresy x3
The Unbelievable Truth
John Finnemore Sketch Show
Mark Watson Kicks Off x2
Pointless x5
QI
Have I Got News For You x4
Harry Hills TV Burp
Armstrong and Miller Show
The Bubble
Russell Howard's Good News x2
Comics Choice
Trust Us With Your Life
Wordaholics
The Wright Stuff + Live With Gabby
That Sunday Night Show x2
Stand Up For The Week x2
Mad Bad Ad Show

50 Random Facts about myself

1) I've met Martin O'Neil in a service station toilet before he was famous

2) I like Schrödinger based humour

3) I was once nearly knocked over by John Prescott

4) I really quite like studio ghibli films

5) I can say "I don't know" in 4 languages so far and a shrug of the shoulders

6) I was Socrates in a primary school play, I had to know the greek alphabet... since forgotten

7) I got an A for G.C.S.E. French, since then I have never been there nor talked to any indigenous speakers of the language so have forgotten most of it

8) I love visual infinity loops

9) I feel compelled to look into the sky whenever I see a helicopter, despite the fact I've seen hundreds before

10) I like to stack coins in order of size

11) My top score for a game of scrabble is 519, that includes 3 50 bonuses

12) I feel proud to even get a few questions right in tough quizzes like university challenge

13) I swim a mile a week (so long as I'm able to)

14) I'm rather good at Tetris

15) My record for building a card pyramid solo is 8 stories

16) I've scored a goal from nearly the half way line in juniors football

17) I've managed to have 2 shoutouts on Radio1

18) I've seen David Mitchell in person 3 times and counting

19) I can juggle 3 balls

20) I'd like to one day speak Japanese

21)

Things I dislike

• Dentists
• Kanye West
• ITV sports football pundit/commentary team
• Emile Heskey playing for England
• Nick Griffin
• Jeremy Kyle
• Trisha Goddard
• Extreme Irrationality
• Extreme Stupidity
• Bad TV adverts
• Train fares being so high (especially Singles)
• Poor and Lazily produced music that's massively hyped
• Smoking
• Drugs
• Mint
• Chips
• Apple Mac
• People who say Mozilla is the greatest web browser
• Those adverts about stealing movies at the start of a dvd (it's copyright breeching not theft!)
• People who use poor stats to attack file sharing
• Strictly Come Dancing
• X-Factor
• Jamster
• Susan Boyle
• Katie Price
• Kerry Katona
• The Saw films
• Cheryl Cole
• La Roux
• Cash for Gold companies
• Harry Potter
• Max Clifford

My London Adventures

so my brother has been in need of a new boiler, he'd hunted around for one and a decent plumber to install it, he found a decent priced one but was in need of someone to be in his flat while. As I was free I volunteered my services so my brother came and picked me up sunday so I would be there for monday.

As I got to London we then found out the plumber hadn't confirmed the appointment or got his deposit, so that was then re-arranged for thursday. In the meantime monday was my birthday, so I wanted to make the most of it. So in the day I went to the science museum. Such an impressive place considering its free, there's actually so much information there I found myself actually skipping past and ignoring some of the exhibits. Best bits were the space and rocketry area, the big hall of machines and whatnot, mika hakkinens formula 1 car, the glowy ring thing, the plastics exhibition and the flight area. What was also cool was they announced that from 2:30 to 3:30 the Wallace and Gromit exhibition would be free, so as I was there I went along. It was quite cool as it had various sets and stuff from the films and odd things you can do, although its more aimed at kids heh. Mind you it would of cost £9 to go there and I'm glad I didn't pay that heh, cause it was not worth that much given how little there was in the end, but definately nice for free lol. After that I met up with my brother and we went to Canary Wharf to watch District 9, its a really good and interesting film. I liked the fact it wasn't an American alien film heh and a very different look on that type of film. It was a tad gorey at times but I liked it, worth seeing if you like sci-fi and drama lol. After that we met up with the sister-in-law and had a very fancy chinese meal in a quite posh isle of dogs chinese restaurant, the fried chicken was gorgeous :D

So Tuesday, I'd decided it was easier to stay on than come home just to come back a day later, but the snag with that was I only packed for 3 days heh, so I went off to Camden town (much to my dislike after recent events but I knew it was a decent place to shop heh) managed to get some swimming things and other bits and bobs before going to the market to get 2 novalty t-shirts I'd been after and a cool chinese style dragon thing heh, spent the rest of the time just looking around before going back to Trafalagar square to see the 4th plinth again, before walking to the southbank just to look around. In the end I stayed to watch some of the street performers, some bendy africans and an argentinian football juggler, who turns out to be mildly famous for it too heh.

Wednesday because my brothers flat had no hot water I went swimming to keep up with my weekly routine and to use the hot showers there heh. So I spent the day in Greenwich, walking and looking around before going off swimming and doing my usual mile

Joke corner

so last night I was thinking I should actually start writing down some of the jokes I come up with, because well I am a reasonably funny guy :o who knows I might even do stand up? (haha me doing stand up is funny in itself)
So here is my space for hilarity:

Jesus touched me, I sued, he settled out of court for an undisclosed sum

A man goes upto a woman in a bar and says "hey baby, you and me baby ain't nothing but mammels so lets do it like they do on the discovery channel"
The woman looked at him for a minute and replied "sure thing!"
They then preceeded to a park where they took down and killed a Gazell by hand and consumed the raw flesh of it

So in this time of economic hardship I know what you're thinking, will the price of tomato ketchup affect my daily life? well the simple answer is no. Its the mustard eaters that have to worry, not because of the prices, its the Collmans bull, he's out to get you! You may wonder why but if you were a bull and you lived soley on mustard, a food product that you must admit does not appear naturally in the bulls food chain you'd be pretty pissed off too

Annoyances 3

Well i'm in one of those moods I think I shall rant some more, mostly about tv adverts heh

firstly, the ICS advert. The woman in that advert seems a complete and utter bitch, granted we don't know the relationship between her and her friend john but surely she is quite able to see he is in conversation with a pretty young lady, so why would he then buy you a drink and also given you just got this new promotion why the fuck ain't you buying your own drinks or even buying for him to celebrate. Raaa its trivial I know but yes she annoys me
Secondly the Kellogs big bake advert, this is a bit harsh of my but given how much that advert is on tv that kids accent is really starting to annoy me heh

So I am sat here annoyed grumpy unhappy and just generally blah, playing tetris at crazy speeds and swearing quite 18+ everytime either I fuck up or the tetris gods are against me for giving me the wrong pieces. I have no idea if I'll ever be able to beat this score on Inga's list heh, but it has to be doable. But tetris is a strange game, I started off quite poorly, but over time I have found myself to improved vastly, but the odd thing is I'm doing all this with little effort, I'm at a point where I am just sat here playing, dropping a tetris piece every second moving at crazy speeds and still managing to get tetrises but whilst all that is going on I am sat here thinking about all sorts of crazy stuff like:
I wish I had a god, but a god with batteries included, not one that requires you to interpret the messages given to you by strange people, an actual pro-active god that has signs and miracles and flashy stage tricks heh, but of course under the same logic I would also love a pegasus
Those extra adverts that sponsor hollyoaks, they suck, they've sucked alot, all incarnations of them suck, I hate them so simply because they suck
Talking of people who sucks, Cheryl Cole, she sucks, I just can't take her seriously as a judge, I mean she's hardly a musical powerhouse complete with experience that actually ranks you up there, also Simon Cowell can be a bit of a tit when he defends his singers, he knew they were shite but he won't say it to their faces on tv heh
American football, that sucks too. I find all american sports coverage crazy, so facinated with stats and figures, granted for some of the games thats all you have to go on but they take it to a crazy extreme, I know with football they have stats but generally they are team based and we dont quote them religiously like the americans do, and I also find it hilarious how they managed to sell nearly every inch of advertising available. Also singing the national anthem before every game, sucks!
meh, I might rant more later, not even saying half the things on my mind

Inga is great

Quite frankly Inga is great, she's beyond great, on a scale of 1-10 10 being the greatest she's Ω (omega) words cannot sum up how great she is. She's wonderfun!

Ramblings 2

I'm going to ramble again, and hopefully this time it will be truely bizarre and random, any thought that comes into my head or thing of interest will be labeled

- "Laughter is just the orgasm of a smile"

- "trying is the first step to failure"

- For the Beijing Olympics there will actually be fashion police! no wearing PJ's in public, old people or fat people shouldn't wear short skirts and fat people should wearing horizontal or vertical stripes (whichever of the two makes you look slimmer, I forget which)

- Life is like a box of chocolates, thats useful as you get a new life for christmas, valentines or anniversaires :P

- If the world was an orange, it would be much to small

- One of the Chinese Paralympic athletes for this years event was actually paralysed after being ran over by a tank at tianamin square, yet if he wins he'll be one of the chinese heroes. Irony

- I question you and your god! does he know where my keys are?

- Okay Inga came up with the most awesome idea for a group fo super heros! The Hulk, Yoda, Kermti the Frog and Shrek :D they'd so kick ass :D

- With age comes with wisdom, with wisdom comes cheaper car insurance

- No one will ever win the battle of the sexes, there's too much fratenising with the enemy